i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
