Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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