They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
