He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
