OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
