thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
