Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
