I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
