i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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