OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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