you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
