The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
