pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
