You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
