I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
