he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
