She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
