My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
