it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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