I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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