I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
