Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
