Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
