And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
