he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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