I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
