I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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