tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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