only if we run a train.
done.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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