bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
