the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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