WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
