next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
