We're like a lot better than the average bears
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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