You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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