I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
