the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
