I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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