I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
