sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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