Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
