He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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