i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
