I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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