Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
