two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
