Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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