he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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