super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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