does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
