i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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