I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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