This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
