Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
