I was born with a shot glass in my hand
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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