hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
