My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I will die if light touches me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
