Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
