HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
